Let's Talk About Love, Marriage & Relationships.

Do you know you are special?

2009-04-13T00:11:00.002+08:00

I’m Special - Author Unknown

I’m Special. In all the world there is nobody like me.
Since the beginning of time, there has never been another person like me.
Nobody has my smile. Nobody has my eyes, my nose, my hair, my voice.
I’m special.
No one can be found who has my handwriting.
Nobody anywhere has my tastes – for food or music or art.
No one sees things as I do.
In all of time there’s been no one who laughs like me, no one who cries like me.
And what makes me laugh and cry will never provoke identical laughter and tears from anybody else, ever.
I’m the only one in all creation who has my set of abilities. Oh, there will always be somebody who is better at one of the things that I’m good at, but no one in the universe can reach the quality of my combination of talents, abilities and feelings.
Like a room full of musical instruments, some may excel alone, but none can match the symphony sound when all are played together. I am a symphony.
Through all of eternity no one will ever look, talk, walk, think or do like me. I’m special. I’m rare.
And in rarity there is value.
Because of my great rate value, I need not attempt to imitate others. I will accept, yes, celebrate – my differences.
I’m special. And I’m beginning to realize it’s no accident that I’m special. I’m beginning to see that God made me special for a very special purpose. He must have a job for me that no one else can do as well as I. Out of the billions of applicants, only one is qualified, only one has the combination of what it takes. The one is me. Because ... I’m special.

HAPPY NIU YEAR

2009-01-10T11:08:00.007+08:00

They all say this is going to be a difficult year.
This is what we don't like to hear,
Because it instils not confidence but fear.
But cheer up, just lend me your ear.

Dont be mentally muzzled by your sacred cow.
It's time to change your paradigm, change it NOW.
For with bovine strength you can plough
Through the field of adversity; you will not bow.

The soil from dawn to dusk you till;
Your daily tasks, for your own sake must fulfil.
Lest you the Golden Egg Goose kill,
Abstain from lavishing on Prime, Kobe beef and veal.

There may be insufficient cash in your purse,
So your resources you must preserve, conserve and reserve.
No bullshit, save the cow dung for fuel to convert,
Following the adage of 'Waste not want not.'

No matter how tough, never be cowed into yielding,
Cos' 'When the going gets tough, the Tough gets going.'
You wiil have to trust your heart and tripe feeling
At all times, keeping at the bullseye focusing.

And when you pull through, you can the Victory shout.
Your success is actually failure turned inside out.
Your limited cow sense might have caused you doubt,
But you persevered with bull strength for success to come about.

Training Students

2009-01-09T21:45:00.006+08:00

Posing with some of the Happy and Fun Students

I was among 10 other trainers from a training company which we are associates, training the students in a girls school of Secondary 4 and 5 teaching them study skills for 2 and half days recently. It was fun and at the same time gruelling for me. It was not easy to engage the students for long period at a stretch. The class of girls I had numbered 38. Many of them are interested with some occasionally distracting the class by talking to each other. Overall girls tend to behave better than boys. That is my observation in my experience also with several other schools I have trained.

In this particular school the behaviour of the teaching staff, mostly ladies and the students behave indifferently to each other. I observe that the students do not pay respect to the teachers nor acknowlege them. We who are visitors are also treated likewise. The teachers and students treat us as strangers. Indeed we are strangers because we are visitors. The security guard has more respect for us strangers. His EQ is higher than the educators and educated of the school.

This is the sad state of affair in some schools in Singapore. These same girls will go out into society and treat people around them with indifference, because they are not taught the importance of good manners. One girl removed her shoes and sat cross-legged, while I was teaching and in the presence of a teacher observing the class. The teacher was not bothered about such a display of rudeness by the student. I had to ask the student to put down her legs and wear her shoes. It will not be easy to teach them decorum and manners after they leave school.

Christmas Greetings

2008-12-19T12:56:00.002+08:00

Aaron Boutillier's Book Launch At Hyatt Hotel

2008-11-05T21:30:00.008+08:00

Wai Ching, Thomas, Angeline and Justina

With Aaron Boutillier and Lee Wai Ching

Aaron Le Boutillier has recently written a book 'And Then One Morning' and had it launched in Singapore at Hyatt Hotel yesterday. The book recounts his narrow escape from death in the 2004 Tsunami when he was in Koh Phi Phi Island in Southern Thailand. The book is published by Big Waves Publications which website is: http://www.bigwavepublications.com/index.html
I was delightfully surprised to meet some crew and ex-crew, in particular was Lee Wai Ching who left SQ in the 80s.
I have known Aaron since he began training the Singapore Airlines Cabin Crew in 2003 in the REACT programme. Whilst training the Cabin Crew, he would often pop in my desk to chat, during his breaks. The crew enjoy his training and he get along very well with them. He is well liked by the crew.
One morning after surviving the Boxing Day Tsunami of 2004, Aaron and I were discussing about deaths and suicides at our work place, I told Aaron that I had a theory about suicide. I told him that if you have a mother to love, you cannot commit suicide. His eyes brightened up and he began to recall his near death encounter with the Tsunami. He said, "Yes I agree with you. When I thought I was going to die, I thought of my mother and said silently, 'I'm sorry Mum.'" He mentioned about this apology to his mother in the book.
To those of you who know Choice Theory, what are your views about my theory of love for mother in preventing suicide? I think that this Love and Belonging need is extended even to a pet that you love enough could prevent you from suicide. Is it not true that many who commit suicide has nobody in their Quality World?

Audio Podcast on Reality Therapy

2008-10-22T22:23:00.003+08:00

Listen to JONATHAN B. SINGER, podcasting on Reality Therapy. He gives a very clear explanation of Reality Therapy based on Corey's book 'Theory and practice of counseling and psychotherapy' 7th edition. This talk will benefit people in counselling practice and those interested in Choice Theory.

My Next Talk On "A Happier Choice Marriage"

2008-10-14T22:37:00.006+08:00

My talk today on "A Happier Choice Marriage" at Suntec City was very well attended. The conference room in Wangz Business Centre was filled to capacity of over 50 people. Those of you who missed out on the talk can come to attend my next talk to be held on 6 December. As a service to the community, I am charging only $10 per person for the 2 hour talk. The details are below:

Date of Talk: 6 December 2008 (Saturday)

Time of Talk : 3 pm to 5 pm

Fee : $10 per participant

Venue : Sengkang Community Club. ( 5 minutes walk from Sengkang MRT Station and Bus Interchange )

Please call me early at 98336663 or email me at etayetay@singnet.com.sg to register. Places are limited.

You may also register at:

http://www.ourcabincrew.com/

The Quality World

2008-10-14T18:21:00.001+08:00

'A Happier Choice Marriage' talk at Suntec City.

2008-09-24T13:19:00.001+08:00

I will be giving the one hour FREE Talk on 14 Oct 2008, Tuesday.

Time: 12.15 to 1.30pm

Venue: Wangz Business Centre

The Penthouse, #44-01 Suntec City Tower 1

Please visit http://www.timeout.org.sg/timeoutHome.html to register a place and complimentary lunch.

About the topic:

The problems of an unhappy marriage can be narrowed down to one common cause - External Control Psychology. The consequence of an unhappy marriage can result in divorce which affects many people, with the worst hit being children. 'A Happier Choice Marriage' seeks to address this relationship breakdown by eliminating External Control Psychology through understanding Dr William Glasser's Choice Theory. This talk will benefit the married, to be married, to be divorced or divorced, as well as singles.

Introduction to Choice Theory by Bob Hoglund

2008-09-20T23:04:00.002+08:00

STUTTERING

2008-09-17T23:29:00.002+08:00

I am starting a new Blog http://stopstutter.blogspot.com/ which informs on stuttering. I am asking all stutterers and ex-stutterers to contribute and discuss about stuttering. Anybody else who are interested in the topic may also contribute to the blog. I myself had been a stutterer for many years since I was 8 years old. I believe that we are able to help people with such speech impediment as we discuss in the blog.

How to Dance in the Rain

2008-09-13T13:49:00.004+08:00

My friend Stephen Goh sent me the email below, which is about Love. I thought it would be good to share it in my blog.

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it wa s well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor'sappointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.

The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health.

He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.

He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?'

He smiled as he patted my hand and said,

'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.'

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought,

'That is the kind of love I want in my life.'

True love is neither physical, nor romantic.

True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.'

My Son's Wedding

2008-08-25T21:46:00.000+08:00

Extraordinary Mothers

2008-07-31T12:07:00.002+08:00

Reality Therapy Basic and Advanced Week Training in Malaysia

2008-07-30T14:59:00.005+08:00

This is a rare chance for those you interested to learn Reality Therapy. There will be a combined Basic & Advanced week training in Malaysia in September.
Trainer: An overseas trainer, Ms Joan Hoogstad from South Australia, will be conducting the 28-hour training at Basic and Advanced levels from 19 - 22 September 2008. She is registered with the William Glasser Institute world-wide and the training is certificated by William Glasser himself.
The venue is the Canossian Convent Retreat House in Kluang, Johor. The four-day course is residential for all participants, some of whom will be coming from S'pore and other parts of Malaysia. The venue is two hours' driving time away from Singapore and transport can be arranged for those leaving from Singapore on 19th morning and returning on 22nd afternoon. This means that you will only be using two working days and the weekend to complete your training. The accommodation at Kluang is en suite single room per participant.
The training fee is $550 and includes the cost for travel and 3 nights' residence in Kluang. All training materials will be provided. Books written by W Glasser will be on sale throughout the training. Only those who have undergone Basic week training and completed six months of practicum are allowed to continue at advanced level. All others will be trained at Basic level first.
Please email me: etayetay@singnet.com.sg if you are interest to attend.

Bossy parents cause older teens to indulge in more sex

2008-07-30T14:00:00.009+08:00

Dr Rebekah Levine Coley of Boston College in her research have found that adolescents who take part in family activities more often have sex less frequently, less unprotected sex and few sex partners. Parents who don't want their teens to engage in risky sexual behaviour shoud make family time a priority, Dr Rebekah's studies suggest.
“Warm, more democratic relationships — in which parents do not use negative and psychologically controlling behaviours — could help parents to communicate values, increase adolescents’ identification with their parents, help youth to develop healthy decision-making skills and also keep youth away from negative peer influences,” said Coley.
I find the above suggestions in line with Choice Theory which recommnends that 'when you stop controlling, you gain control.' Click here to read more.

A Father And Son's Love

2008-07-22T11:39:00.006+08:00

I have been very touched by the Love Relationship between the father and son and I recommend you to watch this video.

Subject: A Father's Love

A son asked his father, 'Dad, will you take part in a marathon with me?' The father who, despite having a heart condition, says 'Yes'. They went on to complete the marathon together. Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father always saying 'Yes' to his son's request of going through the race together. One day, the son asked his father, 'Dad, let's join the Ironman together," to which his father said 'Yes'. For those who don't know, Ironman is the toughest triathlon ever. The race encompasses three endurance events of a 2.4 mile (3.86 kilometer) ocean swim, followed by a 112 mile (180.2 kilometer) bike ride, ending with a 26.2 mile (42.195 kilometer) marathon along the coast of the Big Island. Father and son went on to complete the race together.

This is a really touching video. It reaffirms the immeasurable love parents have for their children.

Ex-CCEs teaming up to help senior crew in interview

2008-07-15T17:55:00.006+08:00

Picture with SS Tan and Thomas Chia

Thomas Chia, SS Tan and myself have decided to conduct workshop for those SIA cabin crew who are going for their promotional interviews after several calls to assist them.
We want to help these crew achieve their goals of being promoted to a higher rank because we empathize with them for failing a couple of times before. For those who will be going for their interviews for the first time,we also welcome them.
Click here for details and updates.

William Glasser Institute-Singapore Conference

2008-07-15T15:30:00.016+08:00

Above is a draft flyer to inform you of the upcoming William Glasser Institute - Singapore Conference to be held on 13 September 2008, at Hwa Chong Institute. Click the above picture to enlarge for details. The Keynote Speaker will be Dr Nancy Buck, author of 'Peaceful Parenting.' I will be one of the Workshop speakers and I will speak on 'Towards a Happier Marriage.' I will post updates of the conference in this blog. But if you would like me to update you through email, please write to me. You can also click on the title for updates from the William Glasser Institute-Singapore web page.

PS - 17 July 2008
Regret to advise that the conference will be postponed to a later date. However, we will be organising 2 Choice Theory and Reality Therapy Basic Intensive Week classes to be held one in October and one in November 2008. It is a 4 full day programme. For more information regarding the Basic Intensive Week click here and after that click on 'The Programs, Policies and Procedures Manual'. Those of you who are interested can email me.

Professor Allan Snyder

2008-07-12T18:31:00.022+08:00

Today, I attended the Preschool Education Revolution Conference organised by MindChamps, held at Ngee Ann Polytechnic. One of the keynote speakers was Professor Allan Snyder.
Allan Snyder is the director of the Centre for the Mind and a co-founder of Emotiv Systems. He holds the 150th Anniversary Chair of Science and the Mind at the University of Sydney, Australia.
Prof. Snyder's research career began in optical physics and he has published several important papers and books in this field. More recently, he has begun to work on mind sciences.
Prof. Snyder has appeared in several television programs promoting his idea that transcranial magnetic stimulation of the left temporal lobe can induce savant-like skills in typical people. For example, these studies claim that after TMS, a person can draw better or count the number of dots on a screen very fast. Despite widespread press coverage, many of these studies have yet to be published in mainstream scientific journals.

Picture with Wendy Chia and husband Colin. Wendy left SIA in 2006 and now she is a home maker looking after 3 daughters. Wow, you may wonder how did she do it, 3 daughters in 2 years. She delivered all the XXX, I mean all 3 girls in one go - Yes, triplets. The SIN government loves you. I think many people envy her as well. We wish her and family much happiness.

CBN Interview with Mark Gungor

2008-07-03T08:59:00.002+08:00

Click Subject title to find out:

Why marrying young (as young as 18-21) is actually a good thing
The importance of extended family in making a marriage work
How our acceptance of the lengthening “adolescence” has produced 32-year-old men who live with momma and display the maturity level of a 16-year-old
The number one predictor of a marriage ending in divorce

Dr Van Nuys Interviews Dr William Glasser

2008-06-27T12:11:00.012+08:00

In this Wise Counsel episode, Dr. Van Nuys interviews Psychiatrist William Glasser (developer of the influential Reality Therapy approach which became popular in the 1970s) and his wife Carlene Glasser. Together, they have written a new book on marriage titled Eight Lessons for a Happier Marriage.

Over the last thirty or so years, Dr. Glasser has evolved Reality Therapy into something he calls Choice Theory. The basic premise of this approach centers around the need to learn how to take personal responsibility for your actions. This is difficult to do becuase many people do not experience what happens to them as a product of their own choices. Rather, they believe that they have been acted upon and are not responsible for what happens to them. They both believe they are controlled by others, and work hard to control others so as to make those others conform to their own ideas of perfection, and in the process, end up making themselves and others miserable.

According to the Glassers, a tendancy they label External Control is responsible for the destruction of many marriages. External control occurs when one partner tries to control the behavior of the other partner. External control occurs when partners criticize, blame, complain, nag, threaten, punish and bribe one another to act in particular ways. People try to force their partners to behave in particular ways becuase they believe that if they can only get their partner to conform to their ideal, then things will be right with the world. This idea doesn't work ultimately because attempts to control ultimately provoke defensive reactions and drive partners apart. The Glassers argue that marriages work better when both partners independently give up their efforts to control one another (and each do so without needing the other to do so first which is itself another instance of external control). Partners still need to communicate their interests and expectations to one another (something the Glassers call each partners' "Quality World"), but in such a way as to not make demands. Partners who want to be with one another and mutually recognize the benefits of being married will open themselves to being influenced by their partners so long as that influence is non-coersive.

Edmond with Dr William Glasser, 2004

Interesting Articles in ST Mind Your Body

2008-06-25T12:21:00.003+08:00

In today's Straits Times Mind Your Body, are 2 articles that might interest my readers. The one by Dr Peter Chew on Doc Talk writes about Premature Ejaculation (PE). "It is estimated that 10 to 40 percent of men have this trouble. It is less common in older men when the threshold of orgasm is raised," so says the article. There are suggested treatments which will work for some men.
The other article is about sexual fetishes in 'Secret turn-ons' by Terence Lee.
Check them out, they are educational.

In your opinion, what consitiute a successful or failure marriage?

2008-06-23T18:24:00.007+08:00

I would like you readers to help make this blog alive with your views. I am posing this question for discussions: "In your opinion, what constitute a successful or failure marriage?" Are there ways to make a marriage better? Share with us your views.

Jim Melamed

2008-06-19T17:28:00.002+08:00

With Jim Melamed in a 5 Day EMCC Seminar on Mediating Family Dispute and Divorce.

Ivan Honey

2008-06-19T17:16:00.003+08:00

With Ivan Honey, our trainer for Reality Therapy Certification.

Dr Clifford and Joyce Penner

2008-06-19T16:37:00.005+08:00

Last April I attended a 4 day course on Therapy for Sexual Disorders, conducted by Dr Clifford and Joyce Penner.

WELCOME

2008-06-13T10:58:00.004+08:00

Welcome to my blog. I would like to discuss any issues on Choice Theory, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Counselling, Pyschotherapy and related matters.

Choice Theory by William Glasser

2008-06-12T18:05:00.006+08:00

The 1998 book, Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom, is the primary text for all that is taught by The William Glasser Institute. Choice theory states that:all we do is behave,
that almost all behavior is chosen, and
that we are driven by our genes to satisfy five basic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom and fun.

In practice, the most important need is love and belonging, as closeness and connectedness with the people we care about is a requisite for satisfying all of the needs.

Choice theory, with the Seven Caring Habits, replaces external control psychology and the Seven Deadly Habits. External control, the present psychology of almost all people in the world, is destructive to relationships. When used, it will destroy the ability of one or both to find satisfaction in that relationship and will result in a disconnection from each other. Being disconnected is the source of almost all human problems such as what is called mental illness, drug addiction, violence, crime, school failure, spousal abuse, to mention a few.

Relationships and our Habits

Seven Caring Habits
1. Supporting
2. Encouraging
3. Listening
4. Accepting
5. Trusting
6. Respecting
7. Negotiating differences

Seven Deadly Habits
1. Criticizing
2. Blaming
3. Complaining
4. Nagging
5. Threatening
6. Punishing
7. Bribing, rewarding to control

The Ten Axioms of Choice Theory

1. The only person whose behavior we can control is our own.
2. All we can give another person is information.
3. All long-lasting psychological problems are relationship problems.
4. The problem relationship is always part of our present life.
5. What happened in the past has everything to do with what we are today, but we can only satisfy our basic needs right now and plan to continue satisfying them in the future.
6. We can only satisfy our needs by satisfying the pictures in our Quality World.
7. All we do is behave.
8. All behavior is Total Behavior and is made up of four components: acting, thinking, feeling and physiology
9. All Total Behavior is chosen, but we only have direct control over the acting and thinking components. We can only control our feeling and physiology indirectly through how we choose to act and think.
10. All Total Behavior is designated by verbs and named by the part that is the most recognizable.